Sunday, February 6, 2011

Learning to Live a New Normal

I don't quite know how to start this post. I've been thinking about it for a while, but I just don't know where to begin. Do I ignore what my family has endured or do I write about it? Do I dedicate this post to my loved one or do I make it "in memory of" her?  I'm still not sure, so I just thought I'd pick up the proverbial blogging pen and see where this post takes me.

We lose people in so many ways. People die from illness and disease. Sometimes old age or accidents. Sometimes people die at the hands of others. In most situations, you have someone or something to blame. But how do you wrap your brain around a healthy young woman in the prime of her life dying after delivering her second child - a beautiful and healthy baby boy? We aren't living in a third world country where we don't have access to technology and medicine. Dying in childbirth was unheard of to me. But that is what happened. My wonderful, beautiful sister-in-law passed away on December 10 and our world crumbled around us. I just couldn't... and still can't understand this. It seems so surreal. If you remember, I was just raving about the baby shower not too long ago!

My niece and nephew will know their mother. I feel her spirit around me all the time so I know she is watching over her children, over my brother, and over our entire family. People say that time heals all wounds but I'm still hurting...sometimes the tears come unexpectedly - they just fall randomly. Our family is learning to live a new kind of normal. We are doing what families do: We are leaning on and loving each other more than ever before.

People say that God has a plan so that  must mean that my sister-in-law's job here on earth is done. Her assignment here was to make her parents proud, show my brother what it means to love, touch the lives of every family she cared for (she was a nurse practitioner) and to bring those two beautiful children into the world. I know that they are destined for greatness...I just know they are, I can see it in their eyes!

So as I get back to blogging, I'll do it with even more intention and purpose than ever before. My heart is in a different place but early literacy still lives here :-). My sister-in-law was often the inspiration for some of my posts. In fact, when she found out she was having a boy, she inspired me to write my "boys and books" series.

I wasn't sure when the right time would be to resume blogging, but a bit of advice came from an unexpected source and a fellow blogger who also took a break after the death of a loved one: "I found that part of my emotional healing came through my writing. Writers must share their gift. Someone always needs to hear what God has placed on your heart to share. Sometimes you think it is just for you, but someone else needs your "insight" more than you do."

Peace and Blessings Readers. I'm glad to be back. As long as there are children and books on this earth, I still have work to do.


  1. I am so terribly sorry to hear about the loss of your beloved sister-in-law. My thoughts and prayers are with you, and everyone your SIL touched.

    Writing has always been a form of therapy for me as well, so cathartic and healing. I hope you can find the peace and healing that you need in writing again.

    All my thoughts and prayers,
    (Found you here cause I was hoping to rename my blog what you've named yours. Love love what you are doing here and can't wait to read all you have to share)

  2. I'm so sorry to hear this tragic and unexpected news. You and your family are in my thoughts.

  3. I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I know this is a very difficult time for you and your family.

    Let the tears flow. It will take some time to adjust.

    I'm glad you have decided to continue blogging. As you write to help others you will be helping yourself heal.

    Positive thoughts and prayers sent your way,

  4. Tonya,

    I am so glad to see you back blogging. I know you miss Nikki so much. Because of her, I was introduced to your blog. I think about her so often. I miss my Mommyrealityshowgymboreeshoppingcakebaking friend so much. Without any doubt her children will know her. God doesn't make mistakes, please remember you are in their lives for a reason as well. Continue to live out God's purpose for you.



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